Our culture is inundated with messages about women and agingâand all of them perpetuate the same myth: that we diminish with age.
Itâs the subtext in all the magazines, all the advertisements, in Hollywood movies and on TV: as you get older, you become less beautiful, less vital, less sexy. This myth makes a lot of companies a lot of money.
All those folks selling âanti-agingâ cosmetics, âanti-wrinkleâ skin creams, hair dyes that âhide your graysâ---they all profit handsomely from our feelings of insecurity about getting older.
These feelings are based on ageismâthe idea that age is less valuable than youth; that younger people are more alive, more beautiful, sexier and more interesting than older people.
Itâs one thing to notice these messages when we see them in the media, or even to recognize when someone says something ageist to us like, âWow! You donât look (insert your age here)---you look great!â
But itâs a lot trickier to notice when we commit ageism against ourselves. Weâve absorbed these messages from the media and advertisers for yearsâso we often donât even notice how theyâve influenced the ways we think about ourselves every day.
But we can start. We can catch ourselves, at the moment, when weâre being ageist toward ourselvesâwe can change the way we talk to ourselves.
And when we change the way we talk to ourselves, we change the way we feel.Â
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"As we change the way we feel---we change the way we act, the way we carry ourselves, and even the way we appear to others. "
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As we change the way we feel---we change the way we act, the way we carry ourselves, and even the way we appear to others. We become more confident, more magnetic, more comfortable in our own skinâwhich makes us more attractive.
Here are some ways Iâve learned to stop being ageist against myself---to treat myself in a way thatâs in alignment with my own philosophy, instead of the messages Iâve absorbed from outside.
As Iâve practiced these things, Iâve found myself feeling so much happierâmore vital, more beautiful, more confident. I bet you will too.
Pay attention to your thoughts when you look in the mirror. We greet ourselves in the mirror every morning. What happens when you see your reflection and you notice a sun-spot or a new crowâs foot line? Do you say to yourself, âUgh, thatâs bad; thatâs no goodâ?Â
Do you immediately start thinking about what youâre going to do to fix it? I know Iâve done thatâplenty.Â
But what would happen if you saw that new little smile line in the mirror one morning and you said to yourself, âWow! Look at thatâyou can see what my eyes do when I laugh!â Or âI earned that one.â
 Or evenâimagine!ââWow, thatâs gorgeous.â
Practice saying it even if you donât believe it yet. It can be tough to push back against messages weâve spent decades absorbing.
None of us are going to just magically be able to look at a new wrinkle and go, âWow! Sexy!â But every time we repeat something to ourselves, we reinforce it.
So if you keep repeating, Ugh, a wrinkle; ack, my skinâs a little more crinkly; yuck, I donât like those new grays, youâre going to reinforce the idea that those things about yourself are bad, that you should feel anxious and insecure about them.
But if you practice talking to yourself differentlyâsaying wow, look at that beautiful, elegant lineâwhether or not you actually believe it yetâyou start giving yourself a different message.
After a while, if you keep reinforcing that new message, youâll find you start to feel a lot better about yourself.
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